True love

You know how sometimes you just can't believe in stuff anymore? Take true love for example. I mean it could just be that I'm jealous cuz all my friends are pairing up now and I'm left single-but I know its more than that. I don't know. Maybe its more like I don't believe in true love for myself. I have a friend who's going to marry her boyfriend of two years when we graduate (they've already decided this, she's sixteen, he's eighteen) and another friend who although its not that official both of them say they can't imagine themselves with anyone else. And I look at Shira and Moti (the first couple) and its just so clear that they really love each other. They would do anything for each other. They make the perfect couple, they balance each other out exactly. And I am so happy for them. Really. They really deserve that happiness, especially Shira. Let's just say she hasn't an easy time, whether in life in general or with boys.

But why can't I love and be loved in return, too? I was talking to a bunch of my girlfriends the other day and they were talking about when they want to get married (people get married early in Israel, between 18 and 25). And it was so obvious to them that they would get married, that they would find a husband. And, well, I don't take it for granted that I'm going to get married, not even get into a steady relationship. I told my friend-as a joke, although its true- that the only person who would be willing to commit to me is someone even more messed up than myself, and and thats pretty sad. Guys don't want girls with problems. Girls who are on antidepressants and are considered weird by most and who used to cut themselves. Guys don't want girls with scars-both mental and physical...

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."-Eden Ahbez
~Liza